another dinner another annoyance

I love my in laws. Really i Do.

ok I really don't but can you really blame me?

We had dinner on Sunday with the usual suspects. Father, Brother (Sans new GF--Yes I know, I thought he was gay too--Although, no one has met this chick yet so who knows.) and Fathers girlfriend.

It's safe to say if it wasn't for her I would probably enjoy myself more.

This time we were seated down enjoying our Appetizers when she brought up Apollo. Although she didn't bring him up by name. She referred to him as the cat. And kept referring to "the cat" and She.

the woman I know was trying hard not to blow up or cry. I on the other hand wanted to blow up but instead I merely said "He" very loudly after each utterance of "She" until finally she noticed and said "what?" to which I said. "Apollo was a HE"

All she said was "oh" and that was the end of the conversation topic.

Straying a bit more, can someone please explain to me why when people write down pets names the put them in Quotes?

calling for calgon

My Phone just rang. I got really excited at the sound because it almost never rings when I'm home. Unfortunately it was the dentist. It wasn't even for me.

Thats one of the worst parts of being unemployed. The sound of the phone ringing is the most exciting sounds when you're waiting for prospective employers to call you back.

But THE worst thing about it is the isolation. Stuck at home all day looking for work. No human contact on a daily basis. It gets insanely painful to go without contact for so long. There are so many time you can call people you know who have jobs and IM with them before they get too busy to talk. But it's the Face to face time I miss.

I'm beginning to talk to myself on most days. Friday I ate my breakfast and immediately had to leave. I got in the car and just drove all around Long island so that I could be around people and not be in the apartment. That made it bearable for the day. It's been 3 months since i lost my job and i'm already going stir crazy (It actually started last month) I don't know how much longer I can take it before the depression sets in. Right now I'm dealing with small bouts of it. A day here an hour there. But soon it'll be a 24/7 type of depression.

I hope the weather warms up soon. I'll be able to bike and hit some trails to better my mood and get some exercise as well. So far I've lost 10 lbs. I call it the unemployment diet. Sitting around too bored to even eat. Sigh...When will it end

wrong

I can't even begin to tell you how wrong it feels. Every fiber of my being just doesn't want to accept what just happened is real, but it is. But it's still wrong.

My boy is sitting on a small table in my living room. Inside a small 3x4 tin wrapped in tissue inside a brown paper bag. The sweet little buddy that put a smile on my face everyday for 8 years is truly gone and the proof is just sitting there.

He shouldn't be in that tin. He should be curled up in my lap purring. Looking up at me with love as i rubbed his belly and stroked his soft smooth fur. But thats not where he is. He won't be there anymore. not physically at least. Emotionally he's with me every day still.

Apollo Watch: The End

My Boy died today.

To be honest, I put my boy to sleep today. We woke up this morning and he had urinated on himself and could barely stand. I fed him and gave him his pain medication but he wasn't there.

The woman suggested taking him to the vet today instead of waiting til his appt on Thursday and i agreed. I think deep down we both knew what it meant if we took him in today. We shed tears and took the time to stroke him and tell him how much we loved him.

When we reached the vet and entered the exam room the Vet knew from our faces how bad he was. He examed him and told us that anything he would do would only be temporary. By this point I was a wreck and crying my eyes out cause I knew already what we would decide. The woman as well. So did the vet. He didn't even ask he just went straight into describing the process and set up the paperwork.

They brought our boy back so we could spend some time with him and we immediately said our goodbyes and kissed him and stroked his smooth Buff colored coat. He lay there, exhausted, suffering, sad. I can only hope he understood what we loved him.

The Dr. only made it through using have the injection before he passed. He was already halfway there. He would have passed on his own today only he would have suffered for hours longer. We spared him that much.

I feel empty right now. The heart and soul of our family is gone and we're just going through the motions right now trying to get by. I feel like I didn't do enough for him, didn't show him I loved him enough. I can only hope he knew I loved him as much as I did. I'll never know though.

I'll miss his purrs, the way his soft fur felt against my face when I would lay against him after a long day at work. I keep expecting him to turn the corner with his confidant strut and a "just woke up" look on his face as he walked into the living room. I'l miss his warbling meows when he was excited and wanted to play.

I'll miss HIM. My special boy who I fell in love with the moment I saw his expressive face on the other side of bars when we first met.

Bad Medicine

Apollo had a stroke the other night.

I was feeding him when I noticed his good eye (the other one has a tumor pressing against it and makes it squint) started pulsating and moving from side to side quickly. When he tried to run away he stumbled over ad went sprawlng and when he recovered his head was lolling side to side like he was drunk.

I thought he was dying.

We frantically packed him i his carrier and took him to the emergency Vet hospital where he was being treated. When we got there a nurse came out and checked him out and despite my telling him three times to not stick his fingers in his mouth since he was recovering from oral surgery.

THings that were in his medical chart that the nurse refused to look at. Then he asked what medicines he was on...again, thing in his medical chart.

THis is were things became infuriating.

We waited an hour. And no doctor came to see us. No one came to explain anything to us. We thought our poor boy was dying and were made to sit there. This is the place where we brought him to treat his bad mouth and his cancer. and they were now ignoring him.

Wen I asked the receptionist all she told me was that someone would be in shortly. Something we'd heard 3 times before when we checked. Te woman wasn't feeling well and i was a nervouse wreck and fuming. I packed up the boy and we stormed out.

The Woman called a friend of hers who is a Vet Tech and describd his symptoms and for her advice.

When we got home i finished feeding the boy and then the phone rang. It was the doctor. He wanted to know if anyone had seen Apollo and that he apologized but they were busy ( I should point out that here was only one other patient in the hospital at the time) and that if we wanted to come back they were free now.

It was now 10 pm and the Hospital was 30 min away.

It took everything i had to not tell him to o fuck himself.

Yesterday I called our regular vet and told him that I anted to transfer Apollo's care back to him and that we needed to come up with a pain management program to make him comfortable. He agreed with me and was unhappy at our treatment at a place he referred us to.